As a doula, I keep up with "birth stuff". I read blogs, research and discussions on birth. There is a lot of talk about the medicalization of childbirth, about VBAC and VBAC bans, and women's choices and lack of choices and OBs fear-mongering and the negative effect of interventions and early inductions. We talk about the benefits of home birth and midwifery care, doulas, Hypnobabies, water birth, unassisted birth, hands off birth, free birth, active birth, gentle birth, natural birth....but what we really talk a lot about is fear and the cesarean "epidemic".
We, in the birth community talk a lot about fear because childbirth in our culture is saturated in fear. And there is no doubt in my mind that it is because of this culture of fear that we have such a high cesarean rate. And in all our talk of unnecessary cesareans, and of fear, I don't hear a lot of talk about courage. Because no matter what the culture is, it takes courage to give birth. A lot of courage. The courage to give birth is in every woman, whether she knows it before hand or not, and even if she thinks it isn't there, she finds it inside of herself.
And all those mothers having cesareans? They have courage. Courage that needs to be recognized.
In our analysis of cesarean births and their increasing numbers, we get caught up in the focus of why the cesarean was or was not necessary, if this or that intervention caused it, if only that had been done or not done then perhaps the birth could have been vaginal. We get angry, we get sad, we work to change things. This is all good and very important, because too many women are subjected to unnecessary cesareans.
But can we please stop, for one moment and recognize, that no matter how educated or uneducated, coerced or informed the choice that woman on the operating table made or didn't make, whether that cesarean was elective or emergency, necessary or unnecessary - it takes a lot of courage to get there. Our birth culture may be saturated in fear-based decisions, but behind every cesarean and "unnecesarean" is a woman of courage. In that moment, it doesn't matter how that woman got to the operating table. It doesn't matter if the surgery is necessary or unnecessary, what matters is that it takes extraordinary courage to say:
But can we please stop, for one moment and recognize, that no matter how educated or uneducated, coerced or informed the choice that woman on the operating table made or didn't make, whether that cesarean was elective or emergency, necessary or unnecessary - it takes a lot of courage to get there. Our birth culture may be saturated in fear-based decisions, but behind every cesarean and "unnecesarean" is a woman of courage. In that moment, it doesn't matter how that woman got to the operating table. It doesn't matter if the surgery is necessary or unnecessary, what matters is that it takes extraordinary courage to say:
"Cut me open.
I love my baby so much, that I will do anything to get my baby out of my body alive.
Lay me out, cut me open
because I love my baby so much."
That is courage. That is bravery and sacrifice and mothering in its purest form. That is the willingness to lay down your body and risk your life that your child might be born, that your child might live.
Cesarean mothers are BRAVE.
In the midst of our efforts as doulas and mothers and midwives and counselors and friends, in the work we do to educate and empower and change things...we need to take a moment to recognize the courage it takes to lay down and allow yourself to be cut open to have your baby.
And so, I recognize a few of the women that I know who have had the courage to give birth to their babies by cesarean:
Leanne
ShadowJenny
Joy
Christina
Mieke
Vanessa
Sarah
Mary
Leone
Tonya
Tracy
Robyn
Barb
Claudia
Kara
Sunny
Elodie
Katie
Me
Were you a Cesarean Brave Mama? Do you want to recognize the courage of a Cesarean Brave Mama? Leave a comment.
"First Kiss" By Amy Swagman at Mandala Journey
183 comments:
Vee,
That was beautiful. I am crying as I write this. Your words touched a very raw spot in my heart that will never wholly heal. Its the spot that feels shame and guilt and despair that I let my beautiful babies down by being unable to birth them the way I planned.
So much more needs to be done in the birth community to address this. Thanks for your bravery, strength and wisdom.
You can add me to your list. My first and third babes were born via ceasarean.
In case my name doesn't show up, I'm Maegen. :)
dear sweet avital,
there is nothing like the love God gives us for our babies...love gives us the courage to do anything... anything for our babies. what you wrote made me feel proud of myself (for the first time ever) about my ceasarean birth with forest. before i only ever felt defeated. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
much love from jenny
p.s. i am humbled and honored to be on your list, thank you.
I've reminded women of exactly this many times... thank you so much for saying so to many at a time. Beautiful post.
If/when I end up having kids, I'm going to need you to be my e-doula. :-) Thanks so much for writing the way you do.
Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for writing this. I found you via NavelGazingMidwife.
I actually said those exact words: CUT ME OPEN.
I wanted a natural birth. I wanted no drugs. I wanted so many things. What I got was a choice. A real one, that I made.
You can ready my full birth story here: http://iwantthursdays.blogspot.com/2010/04/april-is-cesaran-awareness-month.html
I don't necessarily think of myself as brave -- I had wonderful support all around me -- but I will always stand up and say that I did not fail.
tara
Bless you for this. I had a c-section and I feel so honored by this email. I didn't want it, I tried to do it naturally, but my son had other plans. He wasn't descending and he said, no, you have to come get me. I didn't think of myself as courageous, I thought of myself as weak for succumbing to this. And you know, most people don't think anything of a c-section. My father in law had a hernia and people fluttered over him for days. I didn't really get that. So thank you for putting it this way and by honoring what we do to have our babies in our arms. Bless you again!
Thank you for your post and for posting my "First Kiss" mandala! This is very much why I wanted to do the piece.
Reposting on my FB page!
http://www.facebook.com/mandalajourney#!/mandalajourney
I had both of my babies by emergency c-section. Both times I rejoiced in the experience as it was mine and theirs and I have no grief that it was not another way. This was beautifully written as although I am positive and had a very positive experience, there is a lot of negativity towards mothers who choose or do not choose to have their babies in this way.
I love this post.
Mums are brave, they lay down so much because they love their babies, but their care-givers are often stupid, arrogant and ill-informed. Mothers rarely make a choice that is NOT what they see as the best interests of their babies, but their choices are condemned at every turn, yet they are not given enough information to make informed decisions.
I think that mothers themselves should feel that they had courage, but never, ever, let a care-giver say, "take the surgery, it is the bravest thing to do, take the risk yourself to save your baby," because so often many things could be done to stop the situation leading to surgery, and some of those things start way before labour even begins.
I firmly believe that every woman needs a doula, even the most well-informed and assertive of us will succumb to the effects of oxytocin and we should feel safe to allow that to happen, supported and nurtured.
I've had an unnecessary section I was physically forced into, and an emergency section in a following pregnancy as a result of that unnecessary caesarean (placenta percreta) with an unassisted home birth between. For me, the act of courage was going to the hospital, the second caesarean was by far the bravest thing I have ever done.
Women are brave, even if they are duped into believing that bravery is necessary it does not take away the fact that they were brave enough to act for their babies.
I am a section mother 3 times over!! Thank you for honoring me, and making my birth feel special as well!!
Thank-you! It's about time! It's the scariest thing in the world to lie on a table, fully awake, knowing you're about to be cut open so your CHILD can come into the world.
I've had two cesarean births. Recovery was hard. Major surgery and a newborn... but worth it all.
I am spending this week at a midwives camp at the south of Mexico, just yesterday (day 2) we had a whole session on cesarean delivery. Each one of us found a moment in our lives which was our personal "cesarean" and we thought on how we felt at that moment, what we needed from others, we did recognized that fear and courage on women undergoing thru a c-section, we felt it in our hearts. We made the compromise of being there for women without judgement but with love in any situation... there were tears and there were hugs and art!
Yes, some of the most courageous mamas I know have given birth by cesarean. Thank you for continuing this conversation and helping to recognize the journey these cesarean warriors take and the importance of their stories... and of their return.
Thank you. I have never felt brave... Whenever someone said it to me when I was planning my HBA2C, I felt like that was code word for "your crazy!" The way you have put it here makes me cry. I have now experienced labor three times, pushing once, and now three c-sections. Thank you for reminding me I did all of this for my babies, instead of feeling like I failed when the end result was always a c-section. I think I had to be the most brave when being subjected to surgery. I wanted the happiness that I am told comes when your baby is pulled straight up on your chest and never leaves your side. I will never get that and that takes courage. Thank you for recognizing that.
Wow, beautiful post Avital!
Great Post! 2 1/2 yr. and a successful VBAC later and this post still made me cry. C-section scars cut deep physically and emotionally and it is so important to celebrate the courage of a woman giving birth no matter c-setion or vaginal. Thank you for helping me on the road of healing :-) Thanks!
Thank you for writing this. Both of my two children where born via cesarean. With my first I tried SO hard to give birth to him naturally. I tried all day for hours and hours until I was literally exhausted. The second fought to come out naturally as well...she even to this day tries to be like her brother ;)
Giving birth is a scary ordeal and giving birth via cesarean is no less scary. I had never thought of myself as brave for having a cesarean. The fact is that I always thought that maybe I could've done more or tried even harder. So thank you again for writing this...it's been such a blessing to my heart.
Thank you! That just made me cry. I always felt like I was well informed, well supported and in control of my son's birth even thou it ended in a c-section. But your post really may me recognize the strength and courage it took to make the decision to have the c-section after 5 days of labour and many interventions. So thank you for that wonderful gift.
I tried for the better part of 4 days to give birth to my son naturally. The first 2 days were at home, the third at a birth center and the 4th at the hospital. I would have labored another 4 days had the midwives thought I had a chance of birthing vaginally, but they didn't think so. I ended up at the hospital with 5 hours of maximum pitocin without dialating another millimeter. I just never thought that would be the way it would end.
But that's the way it went. I missed that first magical hour with my baby while I was shaking and sleepy with the anesthesia and they kept me in the operating room to suture me (they did a great job). I'll never get that back.
As time goes on, my delight with my baby makes the grief over my experience fade. But it is still there.
I went into the hospital to deliver my sonon a Friday evening, I wanted to do it naturally, no drugs. Then this nurse is trying to find a vein in my hands, she must have poked me 7 times, I got very upset with her, asked her to find someone who could do this right. All because they felt I wasn't dialating fast enough. Friday night passed, all day Saturday... then Saturday night the monitors showed that Alex was stressed. I was not in pain, I tried to think calm, but as it turned out I never dialated past 8cm. So at 11:30 pm they said they need to take him c-sect. He was born at 12:12am a lovely shade of purple, and I saw him for all of 5 seconds. Then not again till 9am, in an incubator. But he was fine, and I nursed him, then all was right with the world. He is now 18 and is the love of my life.
Thank you for writing this!
Avital, this is gorgeous! I am so glad I stumbled onto your blog. I will visit it often to read more of your beautiful words. Blessings to you and your Boys...big and small:)
I want to thank you. For over nine years I have felt like a failure as a woman as I had first one cesarean and then despite my best efforts a second one two years later. Thank you for your comments, I may have begun to forgive myself a little bit.
Please add my name to your list. It is Nairn
Thank you for this beautiful piece. I have spent so much of the past 9 years grieving and working through the trauma surrounding my cesarean experience in 2002. This piece actually closed part of the gap in my still, ever-gaping wound. This piece really did wonders for my healing.
Thank you for recognizing my courage. I said the words, "Cut me open". After seeing that doctor with her leg hiked up on the bed while she pulled on my sweet baby's head with forceps, I pulled myself from the very depths of hell and shouted, "STOP. JUST CUT ME OPEN. JUST CUT ME OPEN ALREADY." I would have allowed her to cut me open without anesthesia before I allowed her to yank on my baby's head like that again. Courage is putting yourself in that situation. Courage is laying there while a doctor holds up your baby over a curtain and says, "Hi mom" and then takes him away. Courage is laying there while someone else is holding your baby. Courage is wanting nothing more than to run to your baby and hold him and tell him how sorry you, while strapped to a table in a paralyzed state. Courage is looking across the room and seeing people doing things to your sweet child, knowing that it should be YOU in their place, protecting him. Courage is laying there paralyzed and looking over and seeing your baby rooting and looking for you. It has been 9 years of HELL and I am nowhere NEAR dealing with that trauma. But this piece today helped me, ever so much, to continue towards healing.
As a neonatal nurse, I treat babies so differently than mine was treated. Each time I am able to connect a cut-open mother with her baby, it helps me to heal. When I am the nurse, that baby goes directly to his mother. When I am the nurse, he is skin to skin with her, even if it is only with their faces together. When I am the nurse, the scenario is no different if a mother needs general anesthesia. I have been looked at and ridiculed by anesthesiologists for doing so, but it does not matter to me. Because I know that that baby needs his mother, even if she is asleep. And I know that deep down, that mother knows her baby is there and is well.
Yes, it takes oceans of courage to have a c-section.
I thank you. Jenny expressed exactly what I am feeling. Until reading your post, I have never felt good about the birth of my third child by elective Cesarean due to what my husband and I and our doctor considered a risky vaginal delivery following difficult forceps deliveries with my first two babies. I knew our decision was based on love and the desire to spare her a similar, violent birth, but for some reason, I have haunted myself with doubt and shame. For the first time in 29 years, I feel proud of being the mother I was able to be for her and ask to be cut open and lift my baby out safely. Thank you so much!
Peace and Love.
Heather
That was the best thing I have ever read in my life! I just gave birth to my second daughter 3 weeks ago via repeat c-section. I was planning a VBAC but my dr's thought it was safest to deliver via c-section because of my blood platelette levels. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Today, I have a healthy little girl and she has a healthy mommy. Thank you so much for writing this. Kudos!
All these women coming forward-wow. Melts my heart.
Beautiful post!
I am mama to three beautiful boys, all cesarean birthed. I am also a Doula and it makes me so sad that so many women don't recognize that birth comes in many forms <3
Thank you!
This made me cry. Thank you so, so much. It helped me more than you know. Thanks for writing it, and for giving me the link.
Thankyou for posting this. I had my son via emergency C-section after 4 days of attempted induction: I was dying of pre-eclampsia, and they gave me the C-section to save our lives. Those 4 days in the hospital, and the c-section, where absolutely hands-down the most frightening moments of my life. But you know? All I could feel at the time, and all I really still feel, is overwhelmingly thankful. I am so thankful that I am still alive, and that my baby is still alive.
I feel a lot of times that I need to justify my C-section, like it's something shameful. I feel this especially keenly from the "birth community." Thankyou for pointing out that it can also be something to be proud of.
Your post inspired me. I wrote this poem for my son's second birthday, which will be this Monday.
Thanks for letting me share.
Courage
Pre-natal vitamins, exercise,
Always drinking, always peeing,
Pre-natal yoga, iron,
Optimal fetal positioning, midwifery care,
Walking, sleeping on my side,
Child birth education, check
Brest feeding class, check
Veggies, protein, fruit
Doula chosen,
Reading, preparing.
Our waters break
Waiting, hoping, walking
No waves rising through my belly
No waves rolling over my body
Fear, anxious, scared,
sinking.
Courage leads me through the hospital doors,
Up the stairs
Hope vanishing, fear settling.
Heart rate drops,
My baby,
Help, my baby
Fear, overshadowing the next thirty something hours.
Courage allows me to say yes to Pitocin
Drip, drip
Wires, fetal monitoring,
bound
No water birth
Drip, drip.
No baby.
Courage, it takes courage to accept the epidural
Struggling, fighting, lost
Losing this battle.
No baby.
Water broken,
Head flexed,
Late decelerations,
Exhaustion,
Occiput Posterior,
Asynclitic,
Confusion,
Cervical lip,
Molding,
Body broken?
Courage, all that I have left
“Cut me open”
Two years later,
Haunted still,
Confused,
Unsure.
Courage I ask,
Give me courage to do it again,
Risk my body, another cut
Push away my fears.
Courage to try again,
To hope,
To dare,
To dream,
To birth my baby whole.
Give me courage.
Karyn... your poem made me cry. I saw so much of myself in it. Thank you for sharing it... your words are hauntingly beautiful... and hauntingly tragic at the same time. Bless you for your courage. And Happy Birthday to your sweet baby.
Thank you! There are not words to thank you for writing this! I've had 4 c sections--NONE that were my desire but I am stuck with a body that had infertility, losses, and now refuses to work properly. I thank God for the courage to be cut open! I thank God for those who can put aside the 'legalistics' of it all and realize it's NOT an easy path that we necessarily chose!
Thank you so very much for recognizing us c-sec moms! We are not the awful monsters or ignorant failures that the birth community makes us out to be.
All 3 of my kids were born by c-sec. DS1 was a failed induction. DS2 was a failed VBAC attempt. ANd my DD, born last November, was an elective c-sec because frankly, I got tired of failing. Her birth was wonderful, as was DS2's, if for no other reason than that every choice to be made was mine and mine alone.
It's taken me many years to realize I have not failed my kids. When DS1 was born in 2001, I lived with guilt and shame up until DS2's birth in 2003. While trying to decide on DD's birth last year, I was completely shunned and marginalized by other women. Other women!! We should be supporting each other instead of tearing each other down.
For me, it's not about how my kids were birthed so much as it is about how they are parented.
My name is Holly and I'm a C-section mommy also. I was told by my doctor that my daughter was a compound presentation, and that he could break her shoulder to get her out if I opted not to have the C-section, although he did NOT recommend it. I look him square in the eye and I said "Cut me open"!! I didn't spend the past 9 months waiting for a perfect, healthy baby to have you break her shoulder so I don't have to have a scar and a saggy belly. I'm so glad I made that decision because not 1 year later, my husband's cousin had the same kind of presentation with her son, except she opted to let them break his PELVIS so that she wouldn't have to have a C-section! He was in a full body cast for the first year of his life!! I often wondered if she regretted that decision.
Thankyou so much for posting this, i have had 4 c sections, all premature births where baby was needed out asap, i holdso much anger that i couldn't even birth my babies let alone keep them in and safe until term. Your words have helped me x
Thank you so much for this. It really means a lot to me while I a learning everyday to get past my own Emergency C.
Thank you! x
Thank you, after my first I felt I hadn't quite done things right, but there was no question. The second was planned, but the consultant said, we can do it now, or I'll see you at 41 weeks. My mother never went into labour, and had two sections, I was the same. I was all ready for it to be a totally natural experience, no pain meds etc, the second section I needed a general aesthetic, I wasn't even awake!
Your words moved me to tears, thank you x
I am a mama with two scars.
I admire every woman who endures this brutality, be it necessary or otherwise, and I abhor the system which has no normalised fear and brutality.
thankyou ~ very healing words!
namaste
Alison Traynor
X
Thank you as well! I am also a doula and a midwife's assistant and thus am throughly embedded in "birth culture". One of the HARDEST parts about making the decision to have a c-section for my breech twins was the backlash I got from my "friends". Some people in my community told me that it would be better if I had an unassisted birth as a first time mother with, lets say it again, breech twins, than have a scheduled c-section. Although far from my "dream delivery" I am so GRATEFUL that 1)both my babies were born safely 2)I can now really understand what mommas who have c-sections go through and not just label them as having failed in some way (mental or physical), which many of us birthies do but that we won't admit to it. YOU HAVE NO FAILED. I DID NOT FAIL. You did the best thing for your baby and/or yourself that you could have under those circumstances, and so did I and 3) I know that I had the COURAGE to do what I felt was the safest thing for my boys even though I REALLY wanted to just stay home, and thus I know I am STRONG ENOUGH to be a mother.
You said everything I've been trying to say! Please add me to your list.
This choked me up. After two emergency cesareans, and after how long they have been performed for whatever reasons (decades!), it's sad that there is still some stigma attached to *not being able* to deliver your babies naturally. I've felt it, I've been criticized, and i'm sure many others have too, but it does take courage to have a major surgery, saving the life of both mother and child.
I was blessed to have a doctor who only used c-sections as a last resort, and like she said as she held my hand, "You are a good mom, and every baby is a miracle, no matter how they get here." She knew how desperately I wanted to give birth naturally, but for me it was impossible.
My mom approached her after the surgery and asked her what would have happened if cesarean were not available. The doctor's words, "They both would have died."
You can add me to your list.
Thank you for saying this....I have never thought of it in the way you described and it fills me up with pride now!
All of my children were c-section children and I felt less than a woman for not pushing them out in a natural way. I never thought of myself as brave.
And the mandala really describes the experience. The lack of feeling from the upper chest down, the arms tied down in the manner of a crucifixion and the cut above the pubic area. Unable to see what was happening and waiting to hear that cry or even touch my babies.
my 1st child was an emergency cesarean. I went into labor that became irregular and his heart stopped. From the time his heart stopped and he was delivered was 6.5 minutes. They put me under so fast. When I woke up, I believed my son was dead. It took a lot of convincing he was very much alive.
My 2nd child I delivered at 26 weeks. I had placenta previa, and spent 2 weeks in the hospital because my water broke at 24 weeks. She was breach and without the fluid, she couldn't turn. When she went into destress we made the decision of a cesarean. I had a spinal with her because I was scared to go under again. She was so weak when she was born, she didn't cry. It was hours before they let me go see her in the NICU.
My 3rd child was also a cesarean. Due to the tearing of the uterine wall with my 2nd, I was told vaginal delivery would not even be an option. When she was born at term, she was the 1st of my children that I heard cry, which was like a symphony!
I don't feel like I missed out on the delivery experience, because the only thing that matters are my three beautiful and healthy children.
Here here Joann. I am so saddened for all the women who feel guilt and anger for doing all they could to deliver a healthy happy child.
I had one caesar - a 24 week premmie who was breach and tangled in the umbilical cord, and there was no way he was coming out vaginally. After 6 hours of epidural to slow the labour (we were trying to keep him in as long as possible) we decided on a caesar. When you birth a 24 weeker, you don't get to hold him - he is rushed to the NICU. I didn't get to hold my son until a month after he was born, and then it was only every 4 days or so that he was strong enough to be held.
I never once felt guilt or anger over the caesar. I am incredibly grateful to the wonderful doctors and nurses who saved his life.
I am so glad that this post has helped heal some of the guilt other women feel. this really proves that there needs to be some balance in the birthing debate - would women 100 years ago have felt "guilt" at having a caesar in order to have a live and healthy child? Thank you for your article.
Tamara
Thank you for this. It did take courage, even though I hated it.
Your post is beautiful.
My daughter was born by c-section at 35 weeks because I was developing preeclampsia and she was only measuring 32 weeks on the ultrasound. Having already had the experience of losing a child to miscarriage at 18 weeks, I was willing to do whatever I had to so that my little girl would be okay. My doctor didn't try to pressure me, but she also said she wasn't willing for me to lose another baby and that this was my best option. She came out screaming at the top of her lungs, I got to kiss her cheek, and my husband took her to the NICU, where she spent 7 days. Her first birthday is in 8 days.
I never wanted a c-section, but wanting my daughter to be healthy and okay was more than my not wanting to be cut open. I am sad for those mothers that feel guilt - as if they did something wrong - over having a c-section. If you have a healthy baby, a happy baby, then it shouldn't matter how the delivery went. I don't agree with unnecessary sections, but sometimes it has to be done. There is no reason to feel guilty.
In the grand scheme of things, the delivery is just a single moment in what is a long life, and the things that come after are the most important - or at least it is to me. When faced with the option of not having her at all - cut me open every time.
Thank you. I needed to remember how much courage was required.
I love your blog. So real and life filled. You sound a lot like me in your profile .... but I am WAY older and have not had a c-section! LOL!
My beautiful daughter,Julia, had fraternal twin boys in November, one was a vag delivery, the second was c-section. I am still in awe of her as she walked through the recovery of a double whammy. The boys, Micah and Anthony, will be 15 weeks on Thursday.
God is amazing, birth is amazing, we are blessed to be able to be a part of this miracle. Thank you so much for sharing. That in itself is a gift.
thank you so much for this...you have no idea how much I needed to read it. I just had a c-section one week ago and have been struggling with it every day. I planned a natural childbirth but after 20 hours of labor, only 4cm dilation, and high BP, I opted for the epidural. After 28 hours of labor, I never progressed past 5cm, even with pitocin. Baby's heart rate kept dropping with every contraction (even when pitocin was turned off) so the doctor said that a c-section was the only way to safely proceed.
I've always dreamed of that baby on the belly moment after pushing with all of my might to bring her into the world, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I mostly hate thinking about my drugged-out state when I first met our daughter, but I'm eternally grateful that she was born healthy.
Thank you to everyone else who has shared their story; I'm honored to be a part of such a courageous group of women.
When I was informed my daughter was footling breach presentation, words can not describe how disappointed I was. My whole birth plan was shattered. I barely remember the moments after her birth.
I find myself explaining why I opted for the c-section, trying to rationalize it to whomever I'm talking to. These stories made me cry. Many thanks to all of you who shared your story. It's comforting to read and know you are not alone!
I had two C sections and have always felt I had to justify them - as I can see do many of your commenters - ever since I was told by another new mother mere weeks after my baby was born that I 'hadn't really given birth.' Seriously, who wants to recover from major surgery while not getting any sleep and feeding another person. Thank you so much for this, there is so much negative judgment against C section mamas and it's a waste of energy. Healthy mums and healthy babies are the end goal, not the "ideal" birth.
Thanks so much for writing this article; it has clearly touched the hearts of many. I think the most important part of it is that you were unwavering in your honouring of mothers who have given birth by caesarean. So many times, we set out to honour them, but only do it halfway or with caveats. Thank you for modelling the stance that we ought to be taking, every time.
I had an unexpected c-section 2 days ago. thank you.
5 years ago I had a caesarean during which the spinal failed and I got through till I'd seen my baby on just gas and air (then I let them put me to sleep) yet I've never once thought of myself as brave. Maybe after reading your blog I can start feeling better about myself.
I've never thougth about my C-section this way. I'm preparing for a VBAC, your words help me a lot. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your words. I had a very difficult time coming to terms with my daughter's cesarean birth. I went through almost my entire pregnancy knowing a cesarean would be my daughter's way into this world (I had a complete placenta previa, lots of bleeding, hospitalization, strict bed rest, etc). I ended up having an emergency cesarean at 36 weeks. I had such a hard time because most of the pregnancy resources I naturally gravitated toward (except for a fantastic doula and birth educator who adapted the birthing class especially for our situation) made a cesarean birth seem as if it was the worst possible way for a baby to enter the world - shameful - and a failure of the mother, etc. (Compounded by 5 miscarriages and a good deal of anger, frustration, and doubt directed at my body). I finally feel at peace with things, but oh how I wish that I had your words to read while I was preparing for my daughter's birth. Thank you.
Beautiful post. So true.
Thank you for writing this. My first had to be c section due to both breech position and placenta previa (delivered a month early due to a second bleed). My. Second was c section after trying for vbac.
Nancy
That was a beautiful post...I always wanted to have a natural childbirth. My first born was an emergency c-section I had severe pre-eclampsia, to the point I didnt know my own name anymore. The second was a repeat section due to the doctors pressure...I was a single mom at the time and the doctor use fear to push me into it "its safer...u dont want your children with no mother" and the 3rd i was in a strong relationship and was strong willed to have a VBA2C but no doctor or midwife in the area would take me on due to "high risk"
I always felt like I had missed out and even now 2 years after my last child was born I had dreams of possibly trying one last time with all the new research and stories I have heard of women having successful VBA3C's, but alas...still no caregivers in the area will do it :(
Your post has helped me come to terms with this, made me realise it doesn't matter how your child comes into this world, you love them just the same...and I originally felt I didnt have the strength in me to give birth naturally...but it actually took more strength and courage to agree to the C-section...Than you again for helping me find closure :)
Thank you, I think this article is a healing balm for all of us who have had cesareans or who have friends who did. I wish Mothering and Parenthood magazines would republish this article so that more mothers-to-be could read it and take comfort in your words.
Thanks for this lovely post. It's very timely as I'm headed for my 6th c-section in ten days! I always go through the regret, guilt, etc, even though my c-sections were necessary.
Beautiful post! And as Theresa is my sister (see above - 6th c-sec in 10 days), thank you for honoring her! She's one brave lady, and helped me through my first section with my 4th child 3.5 years ago. Brava to all of us! Add me to that awesome list! My name is Michelle. :)
Thank you ! Im crying too from reading this. I am a 4 time c section mama and your words are healing waters. My last c section was my most beautiful. Thats right beautiful. I had no drape, I was not tied down and I saw my daughter come out. I suggest this to ANY mama out there. It looked just like the vaginal deliverys do from my angle. I saw head arm leg and pop there she was. She was brought to me first and I kissed her before they cleaned her off. So you CAN have a regualr delivery with a C section. It was SOOOO different then the blue screen of death i was used to. Ladies I urge you to research this. You cannot see anything from your angle but that baby coming into the world!
To all of you brave cesarean mamas and birth activists,
In honor of Cesarean Awareness Month I am donating 10% of all my art sales and 20% of any of my cesarean/healing/VBAC artwork to ICAN. This will be through April, I'm choosing a different organization to donate to every month this year.
To view more about the donation please visit:
http://themandalajourney.com/fundraising/
Thanks
Me -Ross' Mum. My sister - Zachary, Alexander, and Natasha's Mum. My bestest friend Janet's Mum. Thank you kindly for a most awesome of posts.
Thank you so much for posting this. I spent 41 weeks preparing for a natural birth. I believed that never touring a hospital, hiring a midwife to assist me at home, and taking a Bradley course would protect me from having to have a Cesarean. Unfortunately, there were complications, and I woke up in a hospital next to a wonderful nurse named Theresa who told me that I had given birth to a little girl. I felt cheated out of getting to spend my daughter's first moments with her. I was upset that I couldn't remember the birth. I was hurt that nothing went the way that I had planned. However, when I look at my baby girl... I would do anything in the world for her. They could cut me open again if that means saving her life.
Thank you so much for this post.
Thank you, for being the voice of reason. The idea that vaginal delivery equals success and surgery equals failure needs to go away. The result is the prize on which we keep our eyes! A precious baby to love! Those who worry about "failing their babies" because of a C-section should look at that precious child and know he/she most likely wouldn't be alive otherwise. That helps to keep things in perspective. It's not about the mom's experience; it's about having a precious baby!
Another great post!! (Thanks for directing me here!)
I never thought of myself as BRAVE before... but I kind of like it! I just did what needed to be done to have a healthy mom and babe.
I had a necessary C/S and I hate it.
I do feel like a failure because if success is a healthy mother and healthy baby then a mother with a huge hole in her belly in not healthy. I will never describe the days after a C/S for any woman as healthy. But yes, we are brave for putting our lives on the line for our children but I wish every day that I didn't have to.
I hate how eager the hospital was to commit such an atrocity on my body only to ignore me for the rest of my hospital stay.
I hate how the pro C/S people think this is a birth. It is not, it is an operation. Babies should come out of vaginas not bellies.
Loved your post. I added it to my latest blog post about my favorite c-section stories.
http://worry-free-c-section.com/blog/1524/a-few-of-my-favorite-c-section-stories/
Elizabeth :-)
I love my daughters-by-marriage who were laid open by cesaerean to bring 4 lovely little ones into the world. I am grateful!
Just another "thank you". My first and third babies were born via csection.
Thank you--a friend posted a link to this just as I'm weaning my son, born 15 months ago via c-section after 45 hours of active labor spread over two days, 6 days apart. No interventions prior to the c-section, no major monitoring, I was free to eat and move and do all the "right" things. So now he's big and strong and a seriously independent toddler. All because of a c-section. And dealing with the trauma that comes with an emergency section is no picnic, as many commenters attest to. We are brave. We are mothers.
-Allyson
Thank you,
This was a great way to honor other types of birth. I get so enraged hearing all about natural birth priority, when a C-section saved my baby's life, I was 100% opposed to a section but in five seconds it was that or not have the sweet little lady I have now.
Such a great post, I've had two sections, the first was an "emergency" whether or not I made the right choice has always been the nagging thought, but I know I was really sick and my baby wasn't feeling to hot either and nothing was working... this is what I did, I agreed to give up my preconceived ideas and but my baby first. My 2nd was elected, but turned out to be the bigger "emergency" he was turned transverse with the cord around him twice and he was stuck. I never understood how I could be so judged, directly or indirectly. Thank you for making me feel courageous.
Thank you so much for posting this beautifully written piece. As a Doula I know how important it is that we honor, encourage and bless the birth journey each woman takes. It is a profound and life changing journey. Those who are there supporting her have to remember the powerful impact that our words and actions have on how she remembers and feels about her birth.
I hope you don't mind, but I reposted this onto my Doula groups facebook page so that we can all remember.
Thank you: those are inspiring words. I work as a Clinical Psychologist in an antenatal clinic with women who still feel traumatised from a previous delivery experience: some of these women are ones who feel guilty or inferior because they had their babies by caesarean, and think that others judge them harshly for it. It will be really helpful to be able to point them to your page, for them to see a very different way of thinking about their experience and to feel connected to other women through it by seeing all the comments from others. The mandela image/object is amazing - so beautiful and powerful. I would love to show this to others.
My first daughter was breech and I developed other minor complications resulting in a c-section. I never felt brave or courageous about this, but I've always known that despite the recovery I went through, it was the right decision for me and my daughter. Now, as I plan to give birth to my 2nd daughter by section in October, I really see the amount of courage and bravery it takes. The recovery is nothing to the fear that I write out a vaginal birth plan with my doctor, have him not available when the day comes, and be whisked off to surgery anyway because his partners don't believe in VBAC, all the while fighting off contractions and wondering where my family is and who is taking care of my older daughter. This does not sound like a healthy, satisfying birth experience, so I'm doing my best to make it one.
Another thankyou for your writing this :) I posted a link to it on the facebook Birth Trauma Association page and its helping Mummies there too :) We are SOOOO Brave!! 3 section mummy here :) 1st was emergency at 34 weeks (pre-eclampsia) done under general, 2nd was vbac attempt and I ended up in hospital because of meconium and decels...I asked for another section in the end because all the monitoring and everything was stopping my tightenings - it was a lovely birth :) Number 3 was an elective at 16 days post EDD... i did try for my vba2c but at the end of the day .... lol 16 bloody days lol :) was a totally beautiful experience and they lowered the screen ;) gorgeous :D Cushla was placed straight up onto me :D Much love to you all Caesarian Mummies - WE ALL ROCK!!! XXXX
Thank you. I'm a CS mama, and plan to have my next baby by ECRS too. So much of the talk about natural birth makes for a lot of shame and guilt over CS that is unnecessary. CS mamas ARE brave, and truly selfless- they agree to do something they do not want, to make sure their babe is healthy. To me, this takes courage and sacrifice.
I realize there end up being many unneeded-in retrospect- CS for every baby saved, but who wants to take the chance it's their baby thats lost? CS mamas are brave because they choose to increase their risk (a little), their recovery (sometimes a lot), and the potential for trouble in future pregnancies to save their beloved baby today. CS isn't done on a whim, or just for fun, they are done because it's deemed the safest way to birth that baby. A mama should never feel guilty for doing what was needed at the time. Its also very hurtful and mean to tell a mama that her CS wasn't necessary, after the fact.
We all need to work together to make birth better for all families. Healthy babies, healthy mamas, healthy families. This is the end goal from where I am sitting.
Thank you for this post.
This is a great post. I'm a mama to b/g twins born at 32 weeks,and after delivering my son the "natural" way, my daughter went breech and the cord around her neck and her heart rate plummeted. The Dr had no choice but to do a c sec, the tested one spot and I could feel everything, I ended up being put under general anesthesia and wasn't conscious for her birth but she was alive and safe no matter the circumstances. This is a good reminder of what a mom will do for their child/children.
I just want to say thank you! I had my first son cesarean and my second and third (girls) VBAC. My son was breech, so it was necessary, since he couldn't be turned, but I was so scared and thought that I wasn't as good of a 'mommy' to give birth the 'easy way out.' Little did I know it is not easy and it is a lot of work.
Thanks for this post!
Thank you for this! I'm trying for a VBAC this time but thanks for giving us dignity when the natural birth community may think of us as failures.
I couldn't help but let some tears fall while reading this entry. I had a very traumatic birth with my son 1 year ago and it is perhaps more raw now than it was then, as I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my second baby. I never realized how much having a c-section affected me. It is forever stamped on my notes 'elective cesarean'. I hated seeing it there. It doesn't show nor convey everything I had to go through to get to that 'elective c-section'. My baby was going to be a large one and he had lots and lots of amniotic fluid to play with...a side effect of being a type 1 diabetic woman. My blood sugars were better than a non-diabetic person, but it still didn't help. So I was to be induced. My body wasn't having it. For a week I endured pessaries and examinations, horrible 'prostin pains' they called it. One thing that echoes through my mind is one midwife saying to me that I wasn't really in labour. To me it felt like she was saying that even though I endured a week of the worst pain I've ever felt it wasn't good enough to bring my baby here. Another stamp in my medical chart: Failed induction of labour. I had failed. I had failed my beloved baby. My body failed at doing the most natural thing in the world that a woman can do. It ended up being a whirlwind after that. Looking back a year later, I'm traumatized, in almost constatnt pain from the terrible infections I still get from that c-section, I have nerve damage from the repeated attempts at an epidural (which eventually failed to top up during surgery...that wasn't fun) and so many times people saying, 'why wasn't your son born normally or naturally?' As if they are accusing me of taking some safe or easy option. Little do they know all I went through to bring my son here. He's worth it, so worth it, but it has left scars on my body and my psyche. Thank you for this entry. It means more than I can tell you.
I would have really loved this 38 years ago when I had my first CS and felt like I was so different from everyone else. I scrambled to research whether I could ever have a natural birth in the future... and learned that the procedure used made that very risky so my second was CS as well. When she found out I was in a funk, my grandmother sent me a note that basically said, "Buck up, your baby is alive. I had the same problem with 3 babies who didn't live." That put things in perspective but your blog got to the heart of it all! Thanks.
I was really saddened to read how some of the mums felt that they had let their babies down, please don't, how ever you give birth please remember you have given your child the gift of life, your husband/partner a child and your family a new branch to it's tree, all four of my children were born by CS the first when I was 19 the last at 29, I was very fortunate that I felt only the joy of their births, 2 were emergency and 2 elective but all 4 were a joy as I had 4 wonderfull healthy babies, that have grown up into 4 wonderful adults, so please ladies never let anyone make you feel that you have let yourself or your babies down, just enjoy their lives x
I am so sad reading all this. I am a two time C/S Mama. I am sick to my stomach bc the pain is so real. My youngest just turned 2. Only in the last month have I overcome PPD and PP PTSD from his birth.
Brave? Yes, it is. So many people don't understand. Way ^^ there someone compared their surgery to her FIL hernia repair. O how true. I have been scoffed and scorned for my description of what all healing was involved. It is a long dark lonely road.
Thank you thank you for this wonderful blog, I've just had a healing massage, the first since my caesarian birth 10 months ago and it has helped me so much. Reading this article has really just put things in perspective and suddenly slapped me in the face. Thank you. Im currently training to become a doula and this will be another blog that I will keep to re-read when i need. Om Shanti. love to all ladies however you birth.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. A C-section was the LAST thing I wanted, but after a pregnancy filled with complications, it seems that was where my journey was taking me. What else to do when having a preemie baby, water broken, and no progression of labor with baby not tolerating labor. You suck it up and you go to the OR. Because as a mom, it's no longer just about us.
Finally. Thank you. This is part of my healing.
Thank you so much for this! I am overcoming all of my issues from having two emergency c-sections, both my labors failed for different reasons but they both ended the same. I am so grateful for c-sections because my daughter and I would have both died, I would never have my son. I am working on accepting that I am just going to be a c-section Mama. As much as I would LOVE a VBA2C I don't think I could mentally handle going through a failed labor again. My baby boy is 3 months old, I was in labor for 4 days and 9 hours with him. I gave it my all I can say that. I am learning to wear my scars proudly! It is so hard and courageous to have a child and to be so willing to do anything to make sure that child is safe, all Mothers are selfless and loving courageous women! I applaud you all!
This is excellent and I too am crying. I was terrified... and you put it perfectly- I just wanted my baby safe. And he wasn't- 6 days late, c-section, still in the NICU with collapsed lunch and infection. I am so thankful he did well after that- we both got the hang of BF and he was home with us after a 10 day stay. I am also thankful for my beautiful VBAC with my daughter that followed and that was brave for other, different reasons. Pregnant with #3 and hopeful for a secondary VBAC.
My name is Stephanie and have had a Cesarean, one VBAC with epidural and one VBAC completely natural. It takes bravery to give birth period. No matter how it happens. To make the decision to bring another life into this world and raise them is brave. We did exactly what we needed to do to get each of our children here safe and sound. Thank you for speaking to the other side of this great debate and taking a more neutral stance.
Wow a powerful post. Thank you so much. My sweet boy came into the world 3 years ago via cesarean. I've had a hard time working through it and am now planning an HBAC for next month. Once that decision was made, a cloak of grief and anxiety whose depths had been unknown to me was lifted. I've never thought of myself as brave for bringing my sweet boy into the world via major surgery, but yes, upon reflection, it does take quite a bit of courage to birth our children this way. Peace and love to all the section mamas out there.
Thank you for the beautiful, empowering post. The C-section leaves one scar, and then the judgements and assumptions of others often creates another. It takes an amazing amount of bravery to have a C-section (oh, the recovery!)and I hope many, many people read what you wrote and think twice about the brave mamas who've had them.
Thank you for this post. It made me cry reading this. With my first I was planning a homebirth and at 42 weeks got scared and went to the hospital for an induction. I never dilated past 4 cm and was told my son needed to be born via c-section before it became an emergency situation. I had waited 3.5 LONG years to even get pregnant with him and I wasn't taking any chances. I remember crying and yelling in fear to my husband that I could not have a c-section. I have never been so scared in my life but I laid calmly on that table while they cut me open and my son was born. I always felt like a failure because of his birth but I know deep down that his birth took alot of courage and it was something when I was pregnant I didn't think I could do. But I did. And I should be proud of that.
I am now pregnant with #2 and planning an HBAC. But I know that if it comes down to a c-section again I can do it and that is a weirdly comforting thought.
My first was a cesarean. My second a VBAC. There are questions about whether the first needed to happen that way or not, but in the end, my 10# first born was not coming out after 48 hours labor with 3 hours of pushing. My midwives were great. The surgeon was great. The women all around were very judgmental. I did not feel I was a failure, but I sure did spend many months on the defensive as one after another well-meaning people told me it didn't have to be that way. How do they know? They weren't there. At the beginning of labor it was possible that with different advice, I might not have been too exhausted at the end to deliver vaginally. It is also possible that even with a shorter labor, i still wouldn't have gotten my very large-headed boy out vaginally. I actually use that birth as my baseline for how strong I am, not the VBAC that came later. This piece is wonderful and needs to reach all sorts of caregivers, family members, and communities where women are pregnant.
ICAN of Tulsa shared this on FB. Thank you for beautiful words.
The only thing I really felt after my c/s's was regret. I'd looked forward to being pregnant and giving birth since I was about 5 or 6. I am grateful I got to do so once.
#1 was a c/s after 25 hours of labor, 2+ hours pushing an asynclitic baby. The d@mn nurses kept cranking the pitocin and I was miserable. After such a horrible labor, I was ready to do anything to get him out safely (miscarried twins at 14 wks prior to this pg). Poor babe was bruised from being pushed against my pelvis.
#2 was to come a mere 15.5 months after his brother. And I am so very thankful and grateful that we had one of the biggest OB supporters of VBAC in Tulsa, Dr. Adam Myers. Without him on my side, I surely would have had a 2nd c/s. After 30 hours of natural labor, my 9.5 pounder was pushed out in 30 minutes.
#3 was to be another VBAC. But after 24 hours of induced (gently so, due to high BP), at 9cm my cervix swelled. After birth, he was diagnosed with craniosynostosis (premature fusion of the skull) and it had been that way at birth, I felt the ridge of bone across his head in the hospital. While other cranio babes are born vaginally, his cranio, coupled with his size 10.3 and the fact he was posterior, then added to the swollen cervix, it was no-go.
On to #4. The only daughter. Same wonderful OB doc as before. Absolutely willing to be in hospital while I labored with a VBA2C. Until the 40 wks check and she was breech and had obviously been for awhile, despite our having checked since 34 weeks or so.
All in all, I'm okay with my births and have been. Do I wish they could have all been natural, vaginal births? Absolutely! But I do know it took courage to let them open me up.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I had my son almost 5 months ago, on March 11th. On March 4th I made the most difficult decision of my life so far and scheduled a c-section because he was breech and failed to turn despite ALL of my natural efforts and undergoing an external cephalic version procedure. My OB was great and new my natural birth plans, so he asked me to schedule for the 11th, but told me I could wait another week if I wanted to. I was so undecided about what to do and took the weekend to think about it. In the end, my hubby and decided to keep the date. A couple days before my c/s my good friend, the one who inspired and educated me about natural birth in the first place (and hypnobabies), sent me this post. I cried my eyes out reading it over and over again the days leading up to W's birth. But, it did give me courage. Lots of courage. I cried as they gave me the spinal and the nurse said, use your hypnobabies techniques for the pain, and I told her I wasn't crying because of the pain of the needle entering my spine, I was crying because I had to be there...had to have a c/s. Well, it turns out I have didelphic uteri, two uterus's in laymans terms, and the baby was in my right side and had no room to turn head down. If not for the c/s I never would have known this. I guess God works in mysterious ways. Thankfully, my OB is very VBAC friendly and as long as the next baby is head down we are good to go. Anyway, THANKS for this post. I came back to read it after the recent birth of my niece, born via c/s after a failed induction at 34 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. I will be sending this post to my sister in law soon. Please add me to your list...lots of love, Emily.
Wow. This is exactly what I needed to hear. If only I would have heard it two years ago when I was battling c-section dpression. Now, after my repeat c just two weeks ago, this was wonderful to read.
Because it's true. Thanks for your words.
Andi at www.buninthetoaster.com
So a friend of mine reccommended this particular post to me. I literally burst in to tears after reading the first half of this post. My son's birth and life inside the womb was completely different from what I had planned and wanted. To give up my own dreams for the sake of his wellbeing was one of the hardest choices I ever had to make. But looking back, it was the only choice I ever had. Putting my son first and my own "perfect birth" scenario out of the picture was hard, especially since all of the literature I was reading at the time was only talking about how unnecessary and terrible and evil and coerced C-sections were/are. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
I cannot tell you enough how much this makes me smile and cry at the same time. Nothing went right the day my son was born (July 16, 2011) and in the end, I know it doesn't matter. He's healthy, happy and just pure joy in our lives. BUT it does matter how I feel. It didn't go the way I had hoped, ended in an emergency c-section and yes, I got robbed. I didn't get to hold him. I saw him for a few seconds in a drug induced state. I held him 4 hours later for the first time and I was sore, tired and still a bit foggy. I feel incredibly cheated. He was in distress and so was I so I know it was for the best and in the end, we're both fine and happy. The fact still remains that I feel cheated and I'm angry. And I'm sad. And I'm grateful all at the same time. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It's a scary thing and no one really understands, not even my husband who cried and was worried sick for both of us, how you feel afterwards unless you go through it yourself. Thank you for sharing this for all of us!
That was beautiful... Words cannot express how much your words comfort this weary heart... A C/S never even crossed my mind... Until it came out of my doctor's mouth at the end of 41 weeks... "Nicole, your body isn't even trying to have this baby...you can either get induced and pray we don't end up in an emergency c/s or we can go there electively...if it were my wife here, I would advise this c-section..." I felt so strongly that should tried, but after an hour of debate that night I had a feeling it would be the best for my daughter to not be forced out in distress, it were better I were cut...My DD arrived 1.5 lb bigger than my doctor expected with the cord wrapped around her neck...The depression came a week later, when I watched the recording of my daughter's arrival... her arms flailing and reaching out for me in that cold room... but on the video I heard the first words from my doctor, "Oh my, that's a big baby... she was never going to come through the birth canal, she could have strangled. You made a beautiful choice mama." For so long I felt like a failure for not opting to be induced...but I firmly believe God had a plan...And the months of painful recovery with my scarred sagging tiger-striped belly fade when I see my beautiful baby girl cooing and smiling at me... Thank you again for your encouraging words...
Definatly have tears in my eyes... and look forward to browsing the remainder of your page.
After 36hrs of labour 8 years ago I had an emergency c-section with tons of complications and infections afterwards. Vowed I would never do it again.
Now 35 weeks pregnant I am having an elective, in fear that I will go through the same terrible experience.
Although the anxiety is so high and nerves have fully taken over. I countdown the days, 28, till I too have to go into that OR lay down and say cut me open and I put my trust in you that I will make it through!!!
so I say Thank you for giving me a place to relate to others!!
My 1st c/s was cause my boy was breech ( they did not even try a VB)
Now I'm pregnant again ( my son is almost 2years old now) and I will have my vbac unless my life or my baby's life are in danger.
No pitocin, no epidural, nothing at all. I'm planning my perfect homebirth on May 5th, 2012 (or the day my baby wants to come out)
I had a c-section when I was 17 with my first son. Until just this moment I have always felt bad about the fact that I had to have a c-section. I was 21 hours into labor, pushed for an hour and a half and the doctors told me that My sweet baby's heart rate was dropping every time I pushed. I was so young and so scared. The Doctor told me I needed a c-section. I wanted my baby to live and be ok, so I said YES! Cut me open so that my baby will be ok.
I just told my 14 year old son about this post. He seemed sad as I reminded him about my c-section, I never realized that I had made my sweet son feel bad about his birth. I started crying and told him about this post. I told him that I was so happy he was here and that I loved him so much that when the doctors said I needed to have a c-section so he could come into this world, I was thankful that had a way to get him here safely!! I told him that I loved him enough and was brave enough to say, cut me open so that my baby can be safe!
Thank you so much for this post!!
I am one of the mom that was trying for a VBAC first one was breech. I even hired a doula group for this time. My labor started on a Sunday afternoon (every 20 minutes) and it started going every 10 minutes really fast called my doula and we went at the hospital and sadly I was just at 2 cm they send me back home we stayed another 12 hours at home my contractions got really bad (every 7 min) all day went back to the hospital I was still at 2 cm they send me back home this time we stayed home for 24 hours during that 24 hours it was the terrible I started throwing up, lost my mucus and bloody plug. went back in and I was still at 2 I could not stay like that my dr. gave me something for the night and I sleept (thank god) and the morning after I was ready I was at 5 :) but I stopped there they broke my water and OMG it was really intense and I passed from 5 to 7 in 1 hour and after it was slow but my contractions were still strong enough :) baby Ryan was doing really great (no dropping heart) when I reached the 10 cm (around midnight) we decided to push but nothing was happening he was not going anywhere I pushed for 2 hours took a break and pushed for another 2 hours and I decided that was time for me to get another c-section. thank god he was facing up (sunny side up) and 22 inches for 9 lbs 11 oz. I was proud of my self and I don't see that as a failure at all. I tried my best.
Thank you. A beautiful post. Thank you so much. Because not one person has ever acknowledged this of me or any other brave woman I know who went through the Cesarian experience, whatever their reasons may be for going through with it. Thank you so much.
Thank you for this article. I didn't have a choice about my csection. I has severe preeclampsia at 24 wks...to save my son's life we had to do an emergency C. Would I have much rather given birth to my wonder boy vaginally...dang right...just as much as I would have wish I could have carried him in my body longer. However, if it wasn't for the emergency c at the time they did it, he would have died. We have our son and he's perfect! So thank you for his article bc I have many issues that I'm dealing with d/t the fact that I couldn't carry by baby longer and that I missed our on the vaginal...natural birthing process.
Thank you! And thank you for trying to open others eyes to this issue.
Anne 3/2007 and 3/2010
I, too, am a c-section mommy! With my first child, I was 42 weeks when my labor finally got going. After two days in labor at the birth center (we tried EVERYTHING to get my daughter out), I never progressed past 7 cm and my DD's heart rate started getting wonky so we transferred to the hospital. They even tried pitocin for a few hours, but I never progressed. My husband and I decided to go ahead with the c-section instead of waiting to see if something would happen. I'm so THANKFUL that we did, as my DD was born with a fractured in part of her skull covered by a hematoma. She had been stuck in the birth canal and the contractions were too much for her little head (we later leaned that my pelvis is just too narrow for a baby to come out alive). Thankfully she was completely fine, her skull healed perfectly and she is almost five and smart as a whip!
I felt like I had been robbed of my natural birth experience at first, and felt failure at not being able to bring her into the world naturally. However, through the months that followed, I realized that what mattered most was the living, breathing, perfectly healthy baby girl in my arms.
I've since had a second cesarean to bring my DS into the world, and we are pregnant with number three (who will also come to us through a CS). Do I sometimes wish it was different? Yes. Do I still feel that there are too many that give up on vaginal birth too soon? Yes. But would I trade my healthy c-sectioned children for mangled or lifeless babies delivered from my not perfect body "naturally"? Not on your life!
Thank you for this! I had my first child cesarean because she came out at 11 pounds 6 ounces and two weeks early! We tried everything to have her naturally, but my body was NOT going to push that out. I cried and cried when I found out. I so badly wanted to have her the "normal" way. When my second child was born, he also had to be taken cesarean as he was 9 pounds 12 ounces and it was too risky to have a VBAC. Again, the tears flowed. Was I flawed as a mother because I couldn't experience childbirth? Even now, 14 years later, I feel "left out" when mothers talk about their labor experiences. I feel I have nothing to contribute because I didn't have a "normal" birth. Your blog helped me to think about it a different way. You're right, it did take courage! And no matter how they got here, I have two beautiful children to love and raise. Thank you for your post. It touched my heart
My name is Melissa. My daughter Destiny was an emergency C-section. I had been dealing with pre-eclampsia, and I had to be induced. My body and her body did not do the 24 hour pitocin labor very well, and her heartrate was going everywhere. On the way to the OR I passed out because I physically couldn't do it anymore.
Thank you for reminding me that I was courageous! Other moms do tend to make you feel bad about C's...even when they are NECESSARY! (Oh, and her brother was a planned C 2 years later. :)
Just had my third c-section after FOREVER searching for a vba2c friendly doctor and preparing in every way possible. Hiring a doula, reading every book on the subject, and a 46 hour labor attempt, I ended up with another c-section. My OB said that I had a uniquely shaped pelvis that would not allow a baby bigger than 1 or 2 pounds total to pass through. Now at least I know that none of my c/s were unnecessary, but what an ordeal it all has been for me. I loved going through labor and do not regret the journey I've been on, but it does take a lot of courage. I am sooo grateful I did not have a homebirth or any other type of out of the hospital birth!!! In my cases we would have been one of the few exceptions that would not have ended well! PTL! Please don't assume the OB was wrong in this case (I know enough midwives to know that they always assume that the mother could have successfully birthed the baby on her own) but in my case they really had an internal look at my misshapen pelvis and it would not have let my baby pass through. I am hoping to have at least 2 more babies and so I guess that means I will be cut 2 more times.
My Brave baby girl has endured 5 c-sections in order to be blessed with her 5 little men & I couldn't be more proud of her for doing whatever it takes.
I had cesareans with all 3 of our precious full-term children (we lost 2 babies in between DD10 and DS4). This blog post made me cry. My first c-section was after I pushed, the head crowned, and an hour and a half later, no baby out. My doctor told me that she wanted to make sure the baby would suffer no damage, and my pelvic bone was not releasing, so I did it BECAUSE I LOVE my baby and regardless of what I was "believing God" for, I realized that HE always has in mind what is BEST for me. My second baby was cesarean because if it was not, my husband would have left on deployment and not seen our 7-year-promise of a son come into this world. The only way his command would allow him to stay back is if I had a c-section. Say what you will, but I love my child and husband SO MUCH that I made the pain staking decision to undergo it again to make CERTAIN that Father AND son would meet each other no matter what lay ahead. By the time our 3rd full term baby came to pass, I elected to have a 3rd c-section. Thank you for recognizing us, we are REAL mother's too....we carried our babies all 9 months, AND we love them just the same as any other mother who birthed their babies the quote-unquote natural way.
Thank you for this. My mom sent it to me, and it helps. All three of my children were born c-section. My first son, because of "failure to progress," my second son because of a failed VBAC that ended in a uterine rupture, and my baby girl because we didn't want another emergency. Even though I went through hours and hours of painful back labor with my first son and five hours of labor with my second son, I still feel "left out" when moms compare birth stories, and I felt for years like somewhat of a failure. I never really saw what I was doing as "brave" - just something that had to be done to get my babies into this world safely, because that was what the doctor said. Regardless of how they came, they are mine, I carried each of them full term, and they were beautiful and healthy! And I am so thankful for the doctor who knew what to do at my second and third births - and maybe even my first, if it really was necessary, which I will never know. However God chose to bring my babies into this world is fine with me. Thanks so much for this article. It is precious. <3
Mommytothreeangels, you were brave, you are brave and you will always be brave as you teach those 3 angels about LOVE, real love. My birth experience was normal, easy and a long time ago..the most beautiful baby girl..who gave me my first grandchild..who gave me these 3 angels..to love. So thank you, Mommytothreeangels and thank you to the writer of this blog to help Mommies who have felt less than brave. <3 <3 <3
First, I want to thank you for honoring mothers who have c-sections. I had one almost 6 months ago, and it was medically necessary as I had complete placenta previa. This next part is something I've been mulling over for a few days since I first read the post and the comments that follow. I don't want to be disrespectful to the posters here, but I feel that so many of the complaints of women who have to have c-sections are such first world complaints. It seems very disrespectful to the women and babies who still die in childbirth because of lack of access to good healthcare to whine that your childbirth wasn't according to your dream or plan. Is your child healthy? Are you still here to raise him/her? Be grateful! I look at my beautiful son and realize that if I lived in a place without good medical care, we would both have probably died. I am so thankful to have had access to doctors who diagnosed the problem early, advised me as to how to best avoid bleeds, kept constant check on both of us, and then delivered him before I went into labor. I do realize that not all c-sections being performed are medically necessary, and I can understand being upset about feeling forced to undergo an unnecessary surgery, but at the end of the day, be thankful you have your child and good healthcare, and move on!
This forum gave me lots of comfort 24 hours before I had to have an unexpected c-section. At the VERY last minute, my 2nd daughter turned breech, and I was given no other choice but to have a c-section. I was (and still am) devastated. With my 1st daughter, I had a completely natural birth, no drugs, & no medical interventions at all. I was hoping for the same with my 2nd daughter, but it couldn't have been any more different from my first birth experience. I know that the most important thing is the end result (healthy baby & healthy mom) but it still doesn't make up for the fact that I will never get those precious moments and birth experiences back with my daughter. I feel sad for (Estella) that she had to be born without the comfort of her mother holding her after birth, and instead she had to be poked & cleaned off my a stranger. I am grateful that everything turned out well, and she is fine now...but I will never forget how upset I was during the procedure. I couldn't stop shaking even hours after the surgery itself. And till this day (almost 2 weeks after) I am still in pain. After my first daughter's birth, I had no pain at all and was back to normal almost instantly. This time, everything is difficult. My oldest daughter (now 2 1/2) was really upset because I didn't get to come home after I had the baby. She screamed & screamed as she was leaving with my mom from the hospital, which absolutely broke my heart. And now at home I can't do much with her, I can't even pick her up, which she doesn't understand either. All she knows is that there is a new baby taking my attention & now I won't even pick her up. I know that this too shall pass & all that really matters is that we are together as a family. But I still can't help thinking about "what if" I was able to find a doctor that would have delivered her breech or attempted to turn her head down? I know, everything for a reason, maybe she flipped head up for a very good reason? But what I think the most about is that now I know I probably will not have another child because I would never want to go through this experience with a c-section again, and I know I'd be way too scared to attempt a V-BAC. So, I guess in time all I can hope is that I will be able to come to grips with all of this. Especially when I have a husband and mother in law who thinks I'm making too big of a deal about all of this. Yes, I am emotional about this & I have a right to be! Again, thank you for this post :)
Beautiful. I'll be sharing with my fb page. Thank you.
Thank you for this. I had to have my son by emergency c-section. That is NOT the way I wanted to give birth to him, but it was the only way for the both of us to make it out alive. I struggle with what happened often... There are so many things about his birth that I feel I missed out on. I loved giving birth to my daughter, my son's birth was just traumatic. But it's ok, we're alive, healthy and happy now!
Great post!! As women, we need to find ways to improve birth and encourage each other without making moms who have had less than ideal birth experiences feel guilty or that they've failed in some way. Thank you for taking the time to write such an encouraging post for c-section mamas!!!
I was a C-section Mama, by choice, and I did not know then of all the wonderful options I know of now, if I was able to do this again. So, thank you for this post. It makes me feel like what I did was okay and not just because I was scared.
Wow! Totally loved this post and all the mom's coming out to share their stories as well! Had my first c-section just two weeks ago. After 2 weeks of bed rest in the hospital (water broke on my birthday) my beautiful breech daughter was born at 29 weeks. It was so far from the midwife attended water birth I'd planned for myself. It wasn't the birth I'd planned, hoped for, dreamed of, but in the end what mattered to me was if my baby was ok, and I could tell by the feeling of the contractions I was having and the distress of her heart that she was no longer ok in my womb. It wasn't easy, especially since I started dragging my cut and broken body to NICU every day starting the morning after. It was so different from the births of my previous children, where I held them pretty much from birth to the moment I left the hospital. This sweet angel I didn't get to touch for the first three days and even now it breaks my heart every day when I leave her alone at the hospital, knowing I'm missing out on this first two months of bonding in the way I want to kills me, but I'm so thankful for the technology that makes it possible for my daughter to be with me everyday. Sure the scar is a pain...I mean I'm still in the pain and itch stage :) but I love that baby more then life itself! Thank God she is with us today, whatever the personal cost to me!
I planned an all natural, Hypnobabies birth with CNM's at a hospital. What I got was far from that as my labor stopped and started and stopped... turns out little man was majorly positioned wrong, and after four hours of pushing with my midwife trying to turn him, she said, I've got to call this.
And I said. This sucks.
And then I said, Just get him out safely, whatever it takes.
Less than an hour later, I was meeting my beautiful son in the hands of my husband. I was grateful that my hands were not strapped down so I could stroke his face.
Thank you for this post. I cried, but good tears, you know?
I am a cesearean momma times 2, about to be times 3. Thank you so much for recognizing how extremely scary it is to be on that surgery table, hard it is to not hold our baby right away, and how brave we are when it is all said and done.
Wow, thank you so much, such healing words all Mom's who never felt like we did it right need to hear. Both of my so loved and wanted children were born by C section. I always felt it was my fault because I allowed my Dr. to induce labor, I knew it wasn't right, but I was so ready to meet by baby. After l2 hours of hard labor, they finally did a c-section. I wanted to have a natural birth the 2nd time, but they wouldn't let me. I was not strong enough to fight them I guess. This does relieve some of the anger and personal pain I have suffered with. Thanks so much, blessings to all c-section moms. We are loving Mom's.
I cannot even begin to say thank you for this post and what it has meant to me in the healing process of letting go that I was unable to have the natural birth I wanted to have. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We are so, so brave and I never realized it until just now. Thank you.
I had a c/s. My daughter was in frank breech presentation from 26 weeks on. The doctor did not offer the manual version but did offer to deliver her breech I declined... This was my first pregnancy, baby, and surgery. I was terrified but I did what I had to. I wanted to ensure that my daughter would have a safe delivery into the world.
This was beautiful. Thank you so much. I had a c-section because my son was in frank breech presentation. I never wanted to have a c-section, but I did what I had to do so he could be born safely and healthy. I am so happy to have my beautiful baby boy, no matter how he was born!
Thank you, this was awesome! I cried too. The only real fear about delivery I had was that I'd have to have a C/S. My son was in an oblique transverse position and had no intentions of moving (he stayed like that for the last 4 months) I remember crying for hours when I found out, then on top of it having comments made that insinuated I was taking an easy route. That I was having a "premature" baby just because I had to have him via C/S(????) My doc offered to do a version to flip him around, but had a feeling that wasn't what was best for him. And the statement that a C/S is also a delivery is absolutely true. I would have cut my damn arm off myself if it meant he was born healthy, ALIVE! It's terrible that anyone, especially other women could pass judgement on other women when it comes to the health and safety of them and their child. I am proud of myself, my husband and my perfect little boy.
Me. Thank you. Me me me. I still feel like I failed somehow because of my birth process. But she is beautiful, she is alive and I am alive and if I hadn't had a c-section, that might not be the case. <3
I just have no words. I'm a mama with a scar, of guilt and shame and regret.
I've felt nothing but negativity and disapproval from other natural attachement parents like me because I had a c-section.
This is the first time I've felt a bit of light and warmth and love in regards to my birth experience. It was the single most terrifying experience of my life.
This post made me cry. Thank you so much for writing this, it needed to be said. X
I was thrilled & proud my 2nd child was an unmedicated vbac. This reminds me to give myself permission to be proud of what I endured to bring my big, stubborn breech baby into the world safely 7 years ago. Thank you for caring for all mothers equally.
thank you x
thank you!
my first was a c-section under a general anaesthetic due to placenta previa. my body failed me and i failed my son.. i couldnt do what i was suppose to, i didnt hear those cries or see his face or share that moment with my husband. my second was a VBAC, i didnt plan it, i was booked for a c-sec again as the fear was too great. My baby decided he was going to make me prove to myself that i am brave, i have courage and i can birth my baby.
i felt that THAT took all the courage in the world but you made me realise i had just as much courage going into that operating table, lay there and allow them to drug me and cut me open, i had the courage to say my baby's safety meant more to me than the first cry, the first glimpse, that moment that we all dream of. i have courage, thanks to you i will wear my 'smile' with as much pride as my VBAC badge.
thank you, more than you can ever know!
You have made me cry, and brought healing to my spirit. For the first time in 10.5 years, I don't feel like a failure. I go in for csection number 5 on Monday. Thank you, more than words can ever say...
Thanks so much for this post. I always feel like I've had to give everyone an excuse for my c-section. It is good to feel recognition that I didn't fail, but that I have a healthy baby girl! After 4 weeks of bed rest and vomiting everyday, multiple times for 40 weeks, I never felt like I failed until everyone kept wanting a why. After twelve hours of labor her heart rate was becoming irregular so I was an emergency c-section. It was just God's plan or her to arrive that way. I'm thankful that we have modern medicine.
Thank you so much for this post. I have had 2 sections, DS1 in 2009 because he was breech and they couldn't turn him, then DS2 in November 2011. We live in a small town with a hospital that didn't have a high enough trauma level and they wouldn't even allow me to try a VBAC. I never felt guilt over having sections, only disappointment that I'd never know for sure if I could deliver a baby. I was just grateful for happy, healthy boys. The problem I run into is backlash from people (family no less) that I've "never given birth" and weeks after my second son was born that I "took the easy way out." It disgusts me that women bash other women when this should be a bonding opportunity, instead of tearing people down.
I am a mother of 3 wonderful c-section boys. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!! I labored hard until they decided it wasn't progressing.... They delivered a healthy 10 pounder. There was no pushing going to see him into this world. When I had the option to try natural on #2--I said no way. They let me go thru torture with the first and I was happy to walk in refreshed, showered and made up to have a baby. The day was relaxed and calm as it should be. With my first I was so tired I missed all the first moments with him. Not one grandchild/ great-grandchild in my family has been born naturally yet--10 little ones so far.
Thank you so much for posting this!! I have had 2 csections and it is a constant struggle within myself to "heal" from my birth expierence. I myself wanted to have a great vaginal delivery with my first but ended with a csection. I was depressed,mad,and constantly "what if"ing myself. I spent the next 3 years before I got pregnant again researching VBAC's and just telling myself I will VBAC next time. Well I found out we were expecting for the second time Jan 2010 and we were so excited. We were then thrown for a loop at our first ultrasound....TWINS!!! I'm not going to lie, I cried and for what...I thought I would never get my VBAC. Luckily my OB said I could have my VBAC as long as both babies were head down come delivery. My fraternal twin boys were born at 36 weeks 5 days by CSECTION!! I failed to dilate past 7 and after 36 hours of fighting,the docs won. I felt like i was an even bigger faliure this time. I couldnt believe it, i needed this VBAC to "heal" me from my first birth. My daughter is now 5 and my baby boys are 19 months and I still have some sadness but in the end , I would do it 1000 more times for my precious babies!!!
thank you so much for this! i was supposed to have my twins last december. in october, my little girl was having a hard time getting blood flow to her and her heart kept stopping. the doctors told me my babies had to come out for their safety. i was extremely scared and was just hoping that they'd come out ok and there wouldn't be any issues. but i was not ready, in any sense of the word for a birth that day.
they came out and i could even see them or hold them until the next day. after a few weeks of constantly seeing them in the nicu and knowing that they'd be ok, i started getting very angry about what happened. i was angry no one warned me that i could have an emergency c sectioned until a few days before i had them (my gyno told me about it one day and sent me to get an ultrasound which started the whole process of being checked in) i was angry that no one told me i had pre eclampsia (my sister read it in my file as the doctors were saying i may or may not have it but they think that i don't) i was angry that i didn't get to see or hold my babies and most of all i was extremely angry that i was robbed of my birthing experience. some days i'd cry about it, it hurt my heart that much. this would have been helpful to see back then. i did do something amazing. and put my children first. it wasn't about me and the experience i wanted. it was all about having my precious children get out safely. they're doing amazing now, especially my little baby girl, charlotte. every day it's more and more clear how much she needed to come out right then because she's just doing so well now.
if it's something i have to do again, that's ok. i would love to have the other experience. but at the end of the day, it just does not matter as long as my children come out healthy and their best interests are taken into account.
thank you so much for putting things into perspective. <3
There is NO WAY i can feel sorry because my baby was born by a C Section, she is healthy, smart and happy. Every time i see her i know i did rigth.
What a wonderfully worded article. Thank you for writing it!
As a high-risk pregnancy I didn't have much choice about having vaginal deliveries. After an initial stillbirth the choice was pretty obvious for any pregnancy that followed. Thus despite what other Moms have thought of my "scheduled" c-sections, I gladly opted for the surgery. They can keep their opinion. I have my babies. :)
What a great blog post! I have had many conflicting emotions about my unplanned cesarean. I was sad that the vaginal birth didn't work. I was glad that my daughter was born healthy. I was angry that no one really talked to me after the decision was made. Lots of emotions, but no one ever told me it was brave and it never occurred to me. So, thank you.
Thank you for this! I had a c-section with my daughter, and now I will have a c-section with my son due in May. I had lots of complications with my first birth. I was only 6cm dilated when my body started pushing. A lot of people don't understand this, but I can not control that my body was ready for me to push a 6cm. They rushed me to surgery where my body would not accept the local and I had to be knocked out. I am having another c-section to try to by-pass the complications of my body trying to push at 6cm again (which would have hurt baby and ripped me, causing serious problems and blood loss). I am hoping for the local to take this time. No one can tell me why it didn't take before. But once again thank you for writing this. This is the first only positive thing I have heard or read about c-sections. I know vaginal birth is better and if I could have, I would have, but I don't think any woman should be made to feel like a bad mother for having a c-section! ~Danielle
This post was linked recently on a message board about c-sections. I have commented rarely on blogs but felt compelled to do so here.
Thank you so much for your post. I, too, had an unplanned c-section, and have felt guilty about it for the 21 months since then. I have felt a tremendous amount of judgment from the birth community -- particularly from women who believe strongly that unmedicated, intervention-free births are best. Someone I know even said some extremely condescending, factually inaccurate, and very judgmental things about my c-section on a blog. I have felt that a lot of people interpret any c-section as unnecessary (in the sense that they believe the baby could have come out vaginally if only the mom, the midwives, or the doctors had done x, y, or z), and I have also felt that a lot of people view c-section mamas as uneducated dupes who fell prey to falsehoods preached by hospitals and evil OBs. No doubt there are many women who felt robbed of a choice and forced into a c-section, and I wish that those things didn't happen. I wish that all women had good birth experiences and felt that their choices and preferences in childbirth were well-informed and respected. But, contrary to what I feel some people in my life have implied, it isn't logical to conclude that I was uneducated or coerced simply because I ended up having a c-section. Sometimes it is a rational, educated -- and, as you point out -- brave choice. I don't feel like anyone forced me into anything, and I feel like I received competent and caring medical advice. Although there's a part of me that always wonders if I could have pushed my daughter out vaginally, eventually, I'm not sure I would have been okay with the consequences to either of us even if I had succeeded (she was occiput posterior, asynclitic, and later diagnosed with macrocephaly, which is a fancy word for "big, off the charts head," which required some follow-up testing of her brain). In any event, to read such a compassionate post from a doula, someone who supports birth choices for all women, is very healing for me. For 21 months I've felt condemned by so many people in the birth community, people who assume that if I'd only seen "The Business of Being Born" or birthed at home or declined any interventions or....or....or....I would have been able to avoid the c-section. But in the end I chose the c-section, I chose it rationally, I chose it with my husband, and I chose it with the advice of some caring professionals.
At this point I feel long-winded and going in circles. But thank you for this post, for this thoughtfulness, and for putting this out there. You have done a lot to help c-section mamas heal from any psychological scars they experienced from the procedure.
Oh, all of that, and I wish I could hire you as a doula for my next birth!
Wow. I believe in divine timing and a friend sent me this blog at just the right time. When shame, guilt, and sadness sets in after all of the hype of my son being born, you women are here with your stories and comments to help lift a sister up. I too did literally everything possible for a natural birth in hopes of avoiding the c-section. I'm sure oneday my story will help another the way this blog and all of you women have now helped me. I'm grateful for my son, I'm grateful for your experience, and I am grateful for mine. My name is Laura...
thank you so much for this article...it is so needed that we have a voice that says it's not shameful what we did...it's only shameful that we are ashamed it happened. THANK YOU FOR PUTTING INTO WORDS THE THREAD THAT STITCHED MY BROKEN HEART AT THE WAY I HAVE TO DELIVER MY BABIES. I ask that God bless you extra specially for what you have said. I am surrounded by women who birth at home, unassisted, and I have felt sorrow that I can't. Thank you for this.
On this very day, my dear friend Angie gave birth to her hard-won daughter Chelsea. After 20+ hours of labor, delivery was accomplished by cesarean. Why did they need to make that jump? Who cares. All that matters is that she did what it took to bring her beautiful, precious daughter into this world alive and healthy. Thank you so much for reminding us that she is brave.
I'm coming back to comment on this, 5 weeks and 1 day after my first c-section. My first three children were all born completely naturally (and the third was at home). Well, my sweet fourth baby had another plan. I was diagnosed with marginal placenta previa. After a bleed at 35w2d, my CNMs, and even the OBs they worked with, were still telling me that a vaginal birth *may* be possible. I really struggled with making the right choice for my baby and myself. Deep down, I felt like my little girl wasn't safe, and wouldn't be safe if we attempted a vaginal delivery. In the midst of my struggle, a friend of mine posted a link to this blog post. I cried tears of relief as I read it. I felt like I had been given permission to choose a c-section, if that was the birth my baby needed. I went to my next appointment, and confidently told my CNM that if my placenta hadn't moved enough for me to feel safe by my next u/s (37w5d), then I wanted to schedule a cesarean.
I never made it to that ultrasound. I woke up shortly before midnight (making me 37w exactly once we arrived at the hospital), covered in blood, and bleeding profusely. After a short discussion with my midwife at the hospital, and a phone call to the on-call OB, it was decided that my baby was safer out than in. I had told my husband, my mom, and my sister as we drove to the hospital that night that I wanted them to take her out. I couldn't stand not knowing if she was going to be okay, if she would survive the next bleed. I welcomed my surgery with open arms. I thank you for helping me come to that place of acceptance. Your words were just so powerful to me.
So now my girl is here. She and I are safe, and well. I still have some sadness that she wasn't born the way I would have preferred, that my hands weren't the first to touch her, that I wasn't the first to hold her...but I have no regrets. I wear my scar proudly, and I see the beauty in it.
Thank you for giving words to my unspoken angst x2. I love how you've managed to so eloquently express every c-section mom's plight. Take out all of the emotional issues and disappointments of Cesareans and, yes, they STILL suck -- the recovery is incredibly painful and isolating. I appreciate reading such a tribute more than you'll know...From your fan, Jill
Wow the mandala image is still with me as I write. As young parents we had 4 beautiful natural/hospital births with all the interfering "medical intervention" . 7 years and a surprise later!! Our awareness had expanded and we lovingly planned a sacred birth for our new little one...... It wasn't meant to look like this! But YES I willingly surrendered ( I actually clearly heard the words ....surrender do not resist) and YES it took ALL the courage I had. It was this moment my heart broke... meeting my crying son.....arms wide open.... Unable to hold him, put him to my breast........ Without needing to say a word My husband fighting off bossy nurses stating hospital policy held him to my breast :) My hero! I will be forever grateful, This moment turned from powerless to sacred and makes me smile from my heart. The healing continues, with each home/natural birth I support, I still feel both elation and grief and am grateful for each opportunity to explore and release.
Thank you for honouring and acknowledging this great Courage Avital. Blessings and Blissings to you sister.
Mine was an emergency crash section after my placenta abrupted, was terrifying xx
Thank you so much!!! This made me feel so much better about myself. I have had 2 csections, the first an emergency, the second was scheduled.
With my son, they couldn't find his heart rate so within 15 minutes they had him out and then had to resuscitate him. In the end it was worth it to me to be able to have my eight year old here with my today. :)
Oh my goodness. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. I just had my second c-section. I wanted so so badly to have a VBAC, but it just didn't happen. I prayed hard and prepared myself physically to try and get a VBAC and when it didn't happen I went into the O.R. knowing I did everything I could and I had a great sense of peace.
But now, 7 weeks later, I have a lot of "What if's?" and feel like a failure as a woman and mother. I know that isn't true, but I just can't help but feel bad about my birth experience since our culture is so anti-c-section.
Thank you so so much for this post. I just wrote about my feelings of not getting my VBAC and a friend left a link to this post and I am so glad she did.
http://eafromtheheart.blogspot.com/2012/09/not-getting-my-vbac.html
Brave yes. Ido not applause Those that CHOOSE it just because. Ie: movie stars musicians
Having had my unnecessary cesarean, I have never felt "courageous" at all. i never felt like i birthed my baby, I felt like i underwent major surgery that made it impossible to heal, nurse, and bond with my baby. I had severe depression for months and never got that warm-fuzzy feeling that you get when you experience that oxytocin high that helps you fall in love with your baby.
2 years later, I decided to hire a midwife and got the vbac I had been praying for. I am forever grateful to my birth team for counceling me and helping me heal from the traumatic birth experience that robbed me of the closeness I lost with my son (in the beginning).
Thank you so much for this article! I cried as I read it! I have had two c-sections and am pregnant with my third who will also be born via c-section. I appreciate someone taking the time to recognize the courage of us c-mommys!
I took has a long labour and had to finally get a c section. I was upset for many days after and cried because I felt I had been robbed of that feeling of seeing my child and holding him in my arms as soon as he was born. Instead I was puking, shivering and passed out. The first two days after his birth were a complete blur and I felt so sad that I had to have my husband tell me what our precious boy's first hours in this world were like. Still he is the biggest blessing in my life, and although my experience wasn't ideal, atleast I have a precious little boy who loves me no matter how he came to us.
After being in labour for 18 hrs, induced twice I had to have an emergency c-section because I stopped at 7cm, she was stuck and her heart rate was dropping. The minute they opened me I couldhear her cries and have never had a more joyous experience in my life, laying there with tears streaming down my face looking over as they checked her over thinking " I don't care how, I brought her into this world ...healthy and alive".
I could have had my second vbac but to me, the risks, no matter how small, minimum or rare.... I wasn't going to gamble with that. I would have liked to try but Im happy with the choice I made.
Thank you for this article, it was a great read, and very true.
~Amanda~
After 9 hours of contractions my water broke, it was dark brown, there was merconium, a lot of it. When the doctor checked me I was only 1-2cm and so the decision was made due to the mec to do a c section. I said do whatever you have to do that keeps her safe. And she was born just a short hour-ish later. As it was we had to be airlifted to a major level 3 NICU and spent two weeks there because she aspirated the merconium, got an infection and a secondary complication of pulmonary hypertension. Had I disagreed and tried to wait out labour and get to 10cm to push, she might not have made it through. I have a healthy and thriving 13 month old now who is the light and love of our lives. I too grieved the fact that I wasn't able to have a vaginal delivery, but having the c section saved her life. Thank you for posting this.
Thank-you so much for sharing this. I have felted cheated out of the experience of "giving birth." On my daughter's birthday, I celebrate her coming into this world, but I always feel sadness, and loss - knowing I will never have the opportunity to experience a natural birth. A cesarean was not my choice, but it was what I was handed - and it continues to haunt me, seven years later. I appreciate the acknowledgement that it required courage to undergo such an invasive procedure.
Thanks you, thank you for this writing.
My one and only pregnancy that went to full term - after 11 and a half years of consciously trying to conceive, 2 operations, various fertility treatments, 3 years of IVF and 3 miscarriages - ended with an emergency caesarean and a healthy boy.
The journey to my son's birth through the various stages of pre-eclampsia, an exhausting 24-hour labour and frightening epidural required a great deal of courage and strength. For weeks afterward I was in a great deal of physical pain, not to mention guilt and grief compounded by not bonding strongly with my son.
Yes, I would have liked a different experience and my heart aches that I won't get to experience a vaginal birth.
But every day I look at my son - he's now 8 years old - and give thanks that he's happy and healthy and I am a mother, regardless of the path I took to get there.
With love to all those mums who travelled a similar path.
xxx
To my beautiful, strong, courageous partner Jo for the cesarean delivery of our son Finnegan. You amaze me everyday with your love and devotion to our son. I think you are an outstanding, passionate mother and I feel privileged every day to get the opportunity to raise children with you. I love you babe.<3
A dear friend just shared this with me today while I was expressing concerns over a possible RCS. I don't know how to thank you for your powerful words. I never considered that a section takes bravery. All I ever saw was what I considered my own failures. Thank you so much, so so much.
Thank you for this. It does take a lot of courage. If not for my c-section my daughter may have died.
Staci
This is beautiful. I've always felt slightly cheated... my first was a failed vacuum attempt after 2.5 hours of pushing. My second was a failed induction (also got to push).
As a midwife, I almost always feel like a failure when my patient ends up in the OR, even when I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything possible was done to prevent it.
As women, we need to support one another, not tear each other down.
This is beautiful.
After 19 long, painful hours of back labour, being stuck at 3 cm and my baby not doing well, I told my OB to go ahead with c-section. I tried, I don't care what people say about my circumstance, but my baby and I needed to be healthy and safe.
And I wouldn't change a thing!
Thank you for this beautiful piece of writing and for recognizing what women like myself went through. My son is a loud, active toddler now and I am forever grateful for it!
I am a c-section momma, and I am so proud of my daughter's birth story. There is a weird c/s culture where mother's feel like they have to explain or justify why they had a c/s. I'm not going to do that. I gave birth to my beautiful daughter on April 5, 2011, and it was the best day of my life.
I'm crying. This was beautiful. And HELL YES it took courage to be cut open while totally awake and being able to feel a lot of pain from the surgery. Everything leading up to the surgery was super traumatic for me, and I'm not over it in many ways, but reading this was so affirming and I'm grateful.
I feel the same way as you- shame and guilt that I let my babies, husband, family down. We are brave and we have the scar to prove it. We put our lives ahead of our babies and that is what is important.
Thank you a million times over for this. There is so much out there now that stands to shame cesarean mommies and I have always wondered if I should feel guilty for not being ashamed of my c-section.
Even my doctor was apologetic that he couldn't get me through a "natural" birth, even though I didn't care how my babies were born, I just wanted them born and healthy.
I always say my babies were "lifted into the world" and that's truly how I see it. I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my c-section saved my son's life and in my second one, it prevented an emergency with my Baby A. Either way, my three beautiful children were BORN...it shouldn't matter how.
Thank YOU for saying that.
Ive had 4 babies by csection-I enjoyed what you wrote:)
Hallelujah!!! At last C-section mothers are being recognised for what they are!! Brave, powerful, courageous and LOVING mothers We still gave birth, and we suffered in pain for much longer afterwards. We didn't choose an easy option because there is nothing easy about major surgery, we chose what was right for us and what was best and right for our child/children. I have had 3 c sections - 2 emergency and my 3rd was elective Fought with myself over and over in my attempt to decide whether to attempt another vbac but in the end chose not to torture myself with the 'what if's'. What you have written is amazing, and certainly makes me feel that I made the right decision last time around. Would love to have experienced 'normal' birth but I am no less a mother for not having it, anymore than an adoptive parent is any less a parent for not birthing their child Hail ALL mothers xxx
I had an emergency c section under GA after 38 hours of labor, including pitocin, 3 doses of epidural (the last of which had worn off by 10 cm), and 2 hours pushing. 16 months later, it still hurts that I didn't birth my 9 lb 12 oz boy naturally. It does get easier to heal emotionally from that trauma, especially knowing other C-section mamas are speaking out when other people brush the pain off by saying "just be thankful you and baby are healthy" (um, duh). Thank you
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